BLAH I'm early today. SUPER early. There's a friendly match later. And I guess it was a last min desicion?
"There's a friendly match tmr, please be early to prepare."
HAA? One sms just one day before the match. FU HUA Unknown, I wonder how the teachers get them to play with us. I'm not as excited for this match than for the one with cedars. I think it goes with experience? Maybe. It's still hours b4 I needa get ready to go school. But I'm afraid I'll oversleep. HOHOHO. okaY.

Random. Just heard the song from sue ean's blog. I think it's nice. GO GO listen to it. "NOT BECAUSE OF WHO I AM BUT BECAUSE OF WHAT YOU'VE DONE. NOT BECAUSE OF WHAT I'VE DONE BUT BECAUSE WHO YOU'RE." Meaningful. Nicely done.

No one is online now. 9.16am. hohoho. Raining fish and sharks. Off to do other things. Blog later if I want.  ¶ 9:01 AM 0 Comments

  blabbers i'm bored. JOSEPHINE YOU BETTER COME ONLINE SOON. No one to talk to except my cousin. and pathetically ONE cousin. =) well done girl. There isn't much for me to post today but there was training. I could not go because of my stupid throat and lungs. Stucked at home. Maybe going to cousin house to play later. Should I? Should I not?

I'm sick and tired of televisions and computers. I think I should go out and stop facing these 4 walls. Where should I go?
It's freaking hell driving me crazy.
But I've got no where to go. Maybe I'll bring my younger cousin out to play. Hur hur hur. I wanna change my template. BORING. PLAIN. UGLY. YUCKS. Sandra PLEASE. I'm going crazy staying alone at home. CURE ME. I've practically done whatever one can do at home. Eat sleep watch tv play com sleep. I thought that was life. It was more of a no life! There's nothing much to do online already. hmmm hmmmm. Read many many blogs ; tag many many boards. NAHZ. not my life style. I'm better off outside. Ho Ho Ho.


ARIEL HERE I COME.  ¶ 11:54 AM 0 Comments

  Pictures.
me and Grace


Smile for the camera.


OH it's a bird. (no it's a plane)


the PROS.


HAPPY.


YES we are jumping for joy! =)


Cheerios!


that's a team shot.


love her. =) XIAO PANG

That's SOME of the pictures. hahaha. more lunches together and i'll have more! =)  ¶ 2:44 PM 0 Comments

  =| hello I'm back. =)
okay, I'm down with throat infection and a series of high low fever again. The camp was fun with young juniors. 3 days passed real fast, and I'm starting to miss it. These generations are getting spoiler and more naughty. Parents now adays. Many things happened when I wasn't around? I missed many times Jo came on. =(

One week passed. I missed the chance again.  ¶ 1:42 PM 0 Comments

  Saturday TODAY. =| GEEEE. Saturdays aren't suppose to be spent at home! GEEEE. I'm gonna fight it all out against whoever who decides to stop me from moving on. >=(( Why am I torturing myself when I could actually spend my time listening to His words? GEEEEEEE.

Persecutions; objections

ARGH. Pressing me until I could hardly breathe. Mixed feelings again. Whatever, avoid, ignore. But I don't want to. HUHUHUH. I wanna face it. bravely. I sure can. =/

?????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!??????????!!!!!!!!!!?????????

I know the answer in my heart. But I force myself not to follow my heart. I needa sort my thoughts out. Serious. Trust me, I'll take the easiest way out in a long run. I won't last the race, I won't finish strong.

NO0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0oooooooo0o0o0o0o0.

I wanna finish strong, I wanna have that sense of accomplishment. That sense. That happiness; Like those astronauts when they first reached the moon, THAT HAPPINESS. Truly joy. Maybe mine will be million times better, no no, must be.

So why aren't I moving?! I see you moving. MOVE YOU FAT ASS. reap what you sow. You aren't sowing anything. You won't know what's TRUE joy, Happiness. You'll just see the rest enjoying. MOURN. THAT'S YOUR MOMENT.

No use. No use. I tried shaking myself out of this. I tried talking myself out of this. I just won't move. WHY?! I tried both ways, no use. You enjoy this? Well girl let me tell you, I won't care about you anymore. You stay at your comfort zone for probably 80 years? But me, I'll be in my true happiness for eternity.  ¶ 4:53 PM 0 Comments

  Once and always (: Today was awesome.
6 came to my house to wake me up. Crazy people. =) Had to invite you all in. No more next time alright? They wanted to watch harry potter but I wasn't least interested. Well, they made their way here so no matter what I had to go out with them. So we watched it in the end. Left my house at 12.o5pm and they were still on the line booking tickets. We chatted alot and it was the nicest feeling I had ever for the last 1 month. I thought I'll feel odd but I was well blended in although it was only me and shaina that were from different schools. Show from 2.30 - 5.00. Was kinda lost in the show for I never even follow up with Harry Potter. I wasn't a great fan of his.

But it was rather nice on the average, with the help of Yimei explaning. Sandra, I know you don't like it. LOLOL. The theatre was rather empty too and throwing seeds were haha, fun. Everything was fine and talking about younger days were nice too. I've longed for this feeling and you've given it all back to me. Thanks guys. =)

Went back for check up yesterday. All is fine. No more pneumonia ; nothing. Finally one thing off my mind. Went shopping with my mum in bugis but wasn't able to leave for the movie. Can't possibly give everything to her and watch movie with you guys. Sorry wenjia.

"One day I'll really regret this desicion I made today."
I'm sorry, really I am.  ¶ 5:52 PM 0 Comments

  ^o) Cheers anyone? ^o) Games anybody? I need it. I need it badly. Help me ; tell me those cheers we used to say, those games we used to play.

HELP ; HELP ; HELP ; HELP ; HELP.

Give me ideas for I can't think of anymore. ='(  ¶ 10:18 AM 0 Comments

  blabbers SHOUT!
SHOUT!
SHOUT!
SHOUT!
SHOUT!

i think it works this time.  ¶ 10:15 AM 0 Comments

  Tears Tears are precious in the eyes of many. Tears represent a group of emotions from both extreme ends. Tears can be hateful to others and self if not perceived in the correct way. Why then the creation of tears?

They can never be hidden no matter how by both gender when emotions over spill. They can never be treated lightly in moments of joy that represents a lifetime of happiness maybe. They cannot be treated light weight in times of sorrows for those are tears that represent how painful the process is to the person experiencing it. Tears can be controlled, held back, yes. However, there goes a day it just have to have an outlet to let go of its bottled up emotions and thoughts. Tears live in everyday of our lives in everyone. People use them differently as we are all created in our own special way. Some are more emotional, soft, fearful while others are build to be stronger, tough, fearless but not tearless.

How would you react if someone tear in light of glee? Celebrate the joy, joke about needless to tear for joy or just enjoy and soak in that moment, top of the world above all else? For that may just happen once in a lifetime.

How would you react if someone tear in negatives? Offer your comfort by means of words, touch or just being there for the person? Or will you be laughing at the person who had been hurt badly enough to have let them roll non-stop? Will you find that it is needless too and useless of that person not being able to stand tall and strong. Remind yourself not to regret if you can never see that person tear anymore... may be gone forever, may not be there for tears to befall... may be too strong in future and totally inhuman...

Back to being humane, what is happening around the world? Has everyone get too busy to appreciate that people cry for moments and that they are all real and true to the core of emotions versus that of high technology or moving society. Do we as humans pause for people who longed their tears be heard in a way? Do we realise sometimes we just want to brush aside such incidents so that we can finish our work or handle the next task of our own. Or are we caught in how shall we react, is that a responsibility of mine? Reality we can never run but face, goes the same for responsibilty, the more you run away, the more will come chasing after you. Grow then together with reality, responsibilty to yourself, others and society.

Tears are that tiny and mircopic in our lives, but they are as significant in many lives around us. If we pay attention to tears, maybe we could have save a number of lives, made a difference in many lives too.

When was the last you tear? When was the last you responded to tears?  ¶ 6:36 AM 0 Comments

  | Face your weak point bravely.
God let others do it, He will let you do it too. =)
All the way, I support you.

You go girl, don't disappoint me again. You are the one controling your mind and heart, not the other way round. Do it, like what you used to do. The problem lies within yourself and it's just your heart you needa understand. You control what you think, don't ever let your brain multipulate you. =) I know you can do it. Open your hearts to those, because they've already opened theirs and is waiting for YOU to make the first step. Go on, You can do it. Others have gone, keep that in your mind. And all will be fine.

When one door closes, another opens. But we often took so long to regret upon the closed door that we fail to see the one that has been opened for us. My door was closed, I was locked out of it. But now I realised that another is always open for me, just that I was mourning over the closed door that I didn't notice it. Happiness does not depend on outward things, but the way we see them. What others do may disappoint you, but you just gotta let it go, and don't be affected. You choose what you wanna feel. Keep peace within yourself and you can bring peace to others. Cause the less you open your hearts to others, the more your heart suffers.

  ¶ 4:51 PM 0 Comments

  tell me Why can't dreams be the same as real life? Why must reality be so cruel? It gives me happiness and in the next moment snatches everything away. Once, and always. Past and present. Before and After.

Go on, wake me up.

I used to do everything for you. I even once didn't care about anything but just working for you. I didn't care how people look at me ; judge me ; say me. But why can't I do the same now? Even these little things I can't do. WHY? Wake up girl, dream and reality aren't the same.

I can't even bring up the courage to do the things as last time. I don't even have the same attitude towards things for you. Last time, once there's something, I'll use all my might to complete that thing for you. But now? Where has that element gone to? Maybe it's a stop now, where I could no longer work for you.

Humans mind and heart are difficult to understand. Probably so, that even my own thinking I can't sort out, my own feelings I can't get it. I really wanna take off that something in me that's stopping me from going, but I guess, I still can hide it for the time being...  ¶ 11:04 AM 0 Comments

  ` Wake me up before the dream becomes a nightmare. OMG. Had a bad night last night. It was a beautiful dream at first, then suddenly everything turn out bad. It started nicely with some actors and real life people. LOL. Then it slowly changed. Wth, i remember crying when I woke up, or was that part of the dream? Both. I dreamt that everyone including myself forgot about my birthday. I realised how insignificant I was and ya.. But it was really a disaster. Not gonna elaborate.

Training later at one. My whole body is aching. Brendaa is coming back!! =) later at night.. Hope to see her soon on monday. =)) yeah.  ¶ 10:41 AM 0 Comments

  - I once had you. I cherished the moments I had with you. I wanted it forever. I wanted to spent my life with you forever. But I guess it's time I let you go. I once had you, now I have to let you go. The parting, it hurts. But I need to do that just to see you smile again. I'm sorry I wasn't the one that placed the smile back onto your face. I've never been so considerate thinking about people's feeling all the time, but the meeting with you changed me. You totally understand how I feel, how I react and how I wanna be treated. I was moulded beautifully under your care and love. But you had to go...

It was the biggest mistake of my life to ever do that. But time doesn't turn back. I'm glad and sad you found someone better than me. I don't deny I feel jealous when I see how you cared for her and how close you two were. We were once like that. But I guessed it's over. My heart really aches. I want the times back. Tell me, tell me how and what am I supposed to do to get the times back?
"Stop being so selfish, bugging someone won't make her/him happy. If you want her/him to be truly happy, let her/him go."
Happy? I also want to be happy. I also wanna smile from the bottom of my heart. I need you. I wanna be the one that help you put back the smile. I wanna be the one that go through sorrow with you. Tell me what am I suppose to do to have you back...

I'll let you go one day when I know the truth. I'll let you go willingly, but this is not the time yet. Now I'll let you go, to be happy, but I wanna let you know that I'll still be here waiting for you...

Because there's none other like you who understands me and there's none other than you that I can understand and relate to so well.  ¶ 5:11 PM 0 Comments

  Where ever you may go, I'll follow. Teach me your ways so that I'll be able to teach others. Bless me so that I may bless others. So much more to know, I don't regret going at all, but I can't think of anymore excuses already!!

Our goat nature needs to be inwardly covered by God's righteousness and outwardly by Jesus's blood. Yes.

God-man race. Godly nature. Save for good works, not by good works. No one can snatch me away from Him. I'm forever His even until the day I die, I'm still His. He lives in me. I want to solve the jig saw puzzle. I wanna know Him more. I wanna be a good teacher that makes difficult stuffs easy to understand.

I used to struggle to live life the way I want, but now, I submit myself to Him.  ¶ 12:11 PM 1 Comments

  nice day. =) Day begun at 7.45am. I wanted to sleep back but I had training to attend. Met isabel and we went to school. The hall was taken by the dance troupe so we went to Bedok CC instead. Actual training started at 10. Before that, we went to Bedok stadium. We were like the models in the exibition. People admiring us doing our strokes. You guys got yourselves a treat okay! No more next time. =X Then we had a run. 400m or less and I was almost out of breathe. OMG. Next year's sports day how?! Really gotta train TRAIN TRAIN already. We've got our team names. =)

Me- Xiao Gao 小高
Brenda- Xiao Ai Ren 小矮人
Grace- Xiao Pang 小胖
Pandora- Xiao Shou 小瘦
Chi Koong- Xiao Bao Bei 小宝贝
Isabel- Xiao Bel 小钟
Janel- Xiao Guai 小乖
Melek- Xiao Huai 小坏
Sue ean- Xiao ?? 小 =) [还在想]
Kelly- Xiao ?? 小 =) [still in the midst of thinking]

Training with only one court. Wow. Did alot of footworks. At first was serious. Then started to slack. Coach was kinda pissed and we did our best to concentrate. Crapped alot. Chikoong, we're still dwarf and giants on court okay! =) Went grace house with Pan after that. LOL. What a nice toilet bowl. All are to see. =X Stayed for awhile and we went back. On our way back, I called brenda who's in taiwan. HEEE. Talked for 5.10mins. She's still touring, not yet shopping. We miss her already. =(  ¶ 3:11 PM 0 Comments

  it's okay. (: He has done His part. It's my turn now. I really wanna tell Him how thankful I am but I still don't know how to communicate with Him. He will guide me. I've walked the wrong path many a times but He never gave up on me. He's always waiting for me to turn back and make the right choice. He's always teaching me lessons so that I'll not make the same mistakes again. Jeremy once told me, if I can't take these setbacks now, how can I take setbacks which are bigger in the future. And my reply was, yes, I'm lousy, I don't want anymore setbacks, I can't take this now, neither can I take setbacks that are times bigger in future. But he told me to hold on. He told me to face this bravely and that He gave me all these so that I'll be stronger the next time to go through obstacles that are much more difficult. All these are to build my character. If I choose to stay at where I am, I'll see the rest moving on.

I wanna manifest my glory. I'm gonna remove all hindrances that stop my glory from coming out. Glory is released by work ; faith without work is dead. But when there is work, I should know that there'll also be failures. I ain't caring anymore. He has make the initiative to come to my side, now, with Him by my side, even if the sky drops, He will be there to support it for me. I'm doing my part. I'm gonna release my glory. Just because something takes longer and more effort to do, it doesn't mean that it isn't the right thing to do. If it is righteous, it IS possible. =) Pst Kong said that glory is reserved for problems solvers, overcomers. I want to be one. I don't wanna join the failures anymore. I wanna shine. =)  ¶ 4:03 PM 0 Comments

  - When I wanted to cross that bridge, I never thought of the consequences. I only knew that I'll go on as days goes by. I wanted to cross that bridge. But it seemed like as I go nearer to the top of the bridge, I'm starting to see Him. I used to be in a dilemma whether to cross that bridge anot, but after I made my choice and did my first move, it all seemed like He had already crossed the bridge to come over my side for me. I truly understand now that sentence.

"Once you decided to make that first step, He will make the other 100000 steps to come closer to you."

I wanted to join Him. But it all seemed like He had already cross the bridge in a shot to join me instead. I wanted to find light at the other end. But He had already brought light to me. The brightness of the light pierce through the darkness. It was no longer me alone. But my journey is with Him. I know that this is just the beginning of everything.  ¶ 8:50 PM 0 Comments

  I'll never fall into the pit cause the fact is that i never went out. " Until the last moment if you don't give up, despair will become hope. "

Wow. I love this sentence, but somehow I can't apply it on my life. Everytime I walked past my room, I'll see the word "perseverance". I myself wanna persevere. I myself wanna get out of this pathetic state. I want no one to sympathize me, I wanna join the rest, in their joy, or sorrow. It's a nice feeling to have someone by your side to talk to when you're lonely. At least you know that someone will be there for you. After that incident, I realised that without you all, I won't even have the energy to breathe on. You guys have been there for me, always, and this time, i know that you guys are already far ahead. It's myself now, whether I wanna move on and go on with you guys. I know that after this darkness, there will definately be light. But it takes a huge lot of courage to make the first move and cross that bridge. It's a tall and long bridge. And what lies at the other end of the bridge is a mystery.

Despair will become hope. 绝望会变成希望. IF I PERSEVERE ON.
Stepping stones or crushing mountains? I've always let it be stepping stones and this time, no exceptions. I feel myself moving upwards and nearer the top of the bridge.

Don't give up. Guys, I'm coming.  ¶ 9:39 PM 0 Comments

  - I finally finished the vcds. It was great. Somehow depletes my life, but I'm just more pathetic. I tried to forget. I watched the show. But somehow, after the show, what feels me is emptiness, is loneliness. I tried to fill myself with things to do, but I know that in the end, I still gotta settle it. I don't know what's wrong, I said I will settle, and it's already settled. But why did things turn out this way? And what's the other side of the story? Go on, tell her, I myself wanna know too. But, I'm gonna let this go cause it's over. You hit my weakess point. Well done.

There are just some problems which I have to face no matter what. But I just can't think of it. Call me dumb, stupid, anything. But my mind now is in a whirl. I can't think clearly. All that I remember are the words you wrote. Those words.. have brought wounds to my heart. And it can never be healed. I know you're just doing what I did. Maybe 10 times worser. Maybe 10 times better. But you don't have to particularly pick out little things to say me. I am responsible of what I wrote. I never knew it hurt so much, but it's too late.

You know what's the meaning of blog? It means personal diary. A place where you can write out all your feelings. It's mine, who cares what I wanna write, and how long I wanna write. So what if I have a different way of expressing and I use more words to express myself? Don't read if you don't like it. It wasn't meant for you anyway.

You guys did it. I'm just disappointed.  ¶ 10:11 AM 0 Comments