Initiation camp wow.. slept like until 1 pm today?! cool rite? lol.. was really tired, the camp was quite fun lar.. but tiring..
ok.. so well, we went to sch on friday night lar.. 9.. yar.. den i was like lost? no one was there yet.. as in my frens.. lol.. all are councillors but i don't really know them.. then i saw Ben, haha.. talk to him for awhile.. then went to the council room to put my stuffs.. argh!! i can't find JO!!!! lol.. saw xuan hao, talk to him also.. then we playing a fool.. hah.. we keep disturbing lee teacher./ =D went to the canteen to gather there after.. we went into our commitees and played.. we had to act out the advertisement.. so cool lar.. =) we were like doing the HL milk.. lol.. stupid thing.. han lu 's milk..
I FOUND JOSEPHINE! at last! She was like lost for a few moment.. we were set out into our bunks.. 1,2,3.. haha.. me and josephine were trying very hard to get into the same bunk.. lol.. and yea, she did it! clever girl.. ;) so we went into our bunks, our classroom, 1 G! =D We were all very tired.. but we sang the gospel and rock the whole bunk! haha.. then we won't really much tired.. Everyone went to do their own things and only left us two in the bunk, we decided to clear the class room so that the rest would have a nice slp.. we push the tables and chairs to the side, then sweep the floor.. ok you bet.. it was really dirty! last time the teachers all keep saying 1G dirty, we din't really cared, thinking that they were biased against us.. we swept and played.. the b4 and after scene was totally different! a brand new room for us to slp.. Jo and I were like disturbing everyone.. haha.. so dam cool lar.. we prank on ppl and thier hps.. haha.. play and enjoyed every moment with her! =D
we rehearsed until like 2.45am lar! omg. so tired.. all of us like wanna slp liao lar.. JO can't take it.. she was like half asleep.. zZz.. at last after times of rehearsal, they let us slp! then i asked them what time do we have to wake up, yea, then they say they will wake us up.. tot it was like 10am. lol. We SLEPT for an hour only! LOL. they woke us up to play night games.. then we slept for another hour.. woke us up to be scared... lol.. ok.. so we slept for 2 hrs only.. how cool.. haha..
the water game was fun.. lol.. they threw 3 eggs inside my clothes! argh.. lol.. fun lar basically, the best game of the day. lol. wash up was like argh.. fast.. haha.. we were using the sinks to wash our hair.. lol.. den we washed feet blah blah.. argh.. i lazy rite liao..
want join jo to disturb lee teacher.. ciaos!  ¶ 2:41 PM 0 Comments

  Miserable ARGH. at this moment of despair, what else can i do but to pray hard that God won't suddenly give me a relapse again?! I'm truly scared lar.. Every moment living in the fear of getting another relaspe.. It's scary.. Especially when the pain gets too GREAT and difficult to control.. My knee is 24/7 pain.. Just that there are different ranges of pain.. usually it will be just normal pain that i can act normal, but some SPECIAL case, like wednesday, it gets really BAD that i can't act.. I just broke into tears.. i don't really like that.. it's like every relapse then cry.. and most people who doesn't know will be thinking like "omg, this same girl crying again" oh well, like who don't wanna be strong and face everything bravely? But the pain is really there lar.. and yar, if it's normal pain like a pinching feeling of so, i WILL and CAN hide it.. But a time or two, the pain comes to the max, I WISHED THAT I WAS NEVER BORN! it's killing me every moment, pinching me as if it hates me and wants me to die!
on wednesday, the teacher i hate most saved me! my opinion of her TRULY changed.. she is quite caring afterall.. and i am truly apologetic to the person on the stage preaching.. so sorry! you were like leading the prayer but coz of my knee, everyone was looking at me and did not even bow their heads and pray?
yupps.. i was carried out of the hall by the boys.. i can't rmb.. i was like going to faint, i WISHED i had faint, then i wouldn't feel that much of pain.. then mdm teo helped me.. massage my legs.. argh.. pain pain pain.. too tensed up.. Alicia was with me all the while lar, THANKS alicia.. at least when i was lost and din't know what to do, she was all while with me and going through the bad times with me.. i felt much better.. and yea, jo, thanks alot, for praying for me.. =D yar.. i think that yar, your prayer did work, God heard US, HE did heard us! And i am very sure..
ok.. just went for physio lar.. tiring.. so tired but i gtg to the SC camp later.. i really have no mood lar.. these days have been busy.. yea.. and i really wish to quit sth.. should not have commite myself into too many things.. now i've got so many things to be stressed about.. =( argh.. whatever.. i have edited this post! rmb to read it ok! =D

=) K.O.K.O  ¶ 5:51 PM 0 Comments

  pissed by something that don't even exist FREAking pissed! and i don't know why i am pissed! Someone help me?! These few days I've been really troubled. And the most troubled thing is that after a day of troubles, I don't really know the REAL reason I am troubled about!! >:( I just feel that everything isn't going on the right way, the way i thought it will turn out to be. I really wanna open my heart and see the real reason that is making me so troubled! Nothing seemed to be able to pleased me. Maybe i become more demanding? Over-estimate myself? So everytime something fails on me i start to get pissed and irritated? I seriously don't know! I am so stressed up k!
Sometimes when i am with my friends, i can be like so happy then *kaboom* attitude! argh! I'm really sorry! =( Moodswings maybe? Alittle thing they do that I don't like, i get so irritated. And, my attitude comes back again. I get pissed very easily these few days. Like lee teacher lar, I think she influenced me! =X I don't know what is really troubling me. I think it's because of my busy schedule and all my tests and homework that i can't even take a break from everything and calm down. I really feel that time is not enough for me. I've to admit, i have POOR time management. But what can i do?! All have been done, no turning back, no regretting. I really wonder why i did things without really thinking and end up regretting my life. I used to think that people who make rash desicion out of folly are STUPID. So who is the stupid one now? Me lar! I thought that making rash desicions was stupid, and now, i am doing it! So, I gotta accept my fate. Be busy for the rest of my secondary school life. It's crazy ok!
I've engaged myself with so many things. Now, thinking back, I love that carefree life where i was so free. OK, whatever. This sentence has signs of regretness. But i really seek God to help me. =D  ¶ 8:46 PM 0 Comments

  here i am! Omg! These few days are like living hell for me!! I'm like so busy! Especially today, damn stressed lo.. i got like council meeting, pa training, and cell group. This is crazy lar! How am i gonna go for all?! Omg. All is like so important to me. But i will definately go for cell group. Because God is only. He is not the first, but the only. HE is not my choice. He is my everything. There is nothing more important then Him. Yea, then is my student council and pa. Although both looks the same, they are like heaven and earth, two worlds apart. I feel so bad lar. My seniors all pissed off with me liao. And i know some that dislikes me already although i won't mention the names. Functions have been like having meeting for many times but i keep forgetting, getting sick, and busy with other things. When i can attend, either i came late or i had to go early. Just like today. Left early for my pa. I am truly stressed can? I feel like so irresponsible. I should not have engaged myself with so many things. If i had known that i could not managed. Haix. Now i am freaking stressed can. Then is my Pa, i have not been attending consistently. At first it was because of my knee, it was seriously injured, so i was like kinda unable to go. Then now, i felt it distance from me. I don't really feel home in it anymore. I know that some of the seniors there don't like me too. But there is nothing i could do? Quit pa? Impossible man. Today, went pa training. Then my senior told me not to be so lazy and train hard. LOL. Okay, i will take that advice. So i really did discipline myself and trained SERIOUSLY. When I got the feel there, i got to go for the cell! Can see that my seniors was'nt really pleased. aargh. i am stressed! Maybe i should quit one of my activities. But this is crazy. Now, even as i cannot train for my badminton yet, i am already so busy ! What if two months later, MORE intensive training, MORE time taken to train?! OMG. i will be dead by then. Everyday with the activities squeezing out all my juice. Someone just give me a piece of advice. See, my badminton training is as follow--> monday, tuesday, wednesday and friday. 4 times a week! wonderful! i am so packed, but my knee injured, so i am like sort of excuse from training. Yea. then thursday is my cell group. You see, monday to friday is like all pack for me! Then add in council and pa. NO MORE TIME. omg. i still have my studies to do! I'm seriously stressed. And these few days, i have been like very attitude.esp during chinese lessons. i just don't like the way lee lao shi teaches. Showing us her bloody attitude everyday. Is like we are sorry?! Why can't she just open her hearts and forgive all of us?! petty her. Then because of that, I've been seriously showing my attitude. Sorry everyone. But once i am not happy, it's difficult to change my mood. I also have been like quiet in class. Din't have the mood to crap. The time when i speak is like asking them to keep quiet or just normal asking of question?! Everything seemed so stressed. I don't have the time. All i need is time. But seriously, do you think i should quit something out of my BUSY schedule?!  ¶ 7:41 PM 0 Comments

  it is what i call F-U-N hello all! yesterday went bowling after school.. dam fun lo.. =D there is O lvls listening then we ended school at 12.25.. and we went bowling after that.. me, vanessa, liangkai, valentino, ivan, fu seng, chunkit, jasper.. haha..walao.. ivan dam HOT sia.. for the first game.. all strike or spare.. then he go break his nice record by not striking or sparing 2 frames.. =( but in the end his score was like 208?! woah! HOT! haha.. den i am second.. =D yeah! i won valentino! wahahah x) i got 93 lar.. crap sia.. the difference between the 1st and 2nd place is like so big! haha..
then the second game everyone all hot lo! i think all of us at least strike or spare once.. but ivan not that hot liao.. is me and my pugkor! =D haha.. we were like having the same scores since the 5th frame.. den broke at 8th and 9th.. but the final score still the same! =D woot. haha.. 105.. hot sia.. both of us leh! haha.. den followed by valentino.. 90+ ar..but his is pure luck can.. haha.. got a free strike.. bring his score up like siao lar.. haha.. nvm lar, i know all enjoyed.  ¶ 10:53 AM 0 Comments

  zZz.. half asleep hi guys! itz so late now.. and i am falling asleep..zZz.. today was fun lar! haha.. went service with nat .. leeying and vanessa was suppose to come but they last minute all cannot.. =( so left me and nat.. but it was still fun!
on the way to church, she was like helping me with my homework.. We did maths and science.. and we went to the cafe to eat.. and i continued my work there.. finished maths =D then we went to meet pastor cheekiang.. missed praise and worship! >.< haha.. the sermon was nice..
then went back with eileen and natalia.. haha.. natalia took the train with me to tampines =D so good rite.. haha.. den we went mac to study.. and at there, i finished my science =) haha.. thanks nat!! she sent me home lo.. =)) den keep helping me with my work.. haha.. aiya.. i am tired le lo..
we have like 3 tests next week? tests killer! so many tests can die one lo..
chinese got 2books and 20yanyu! WOW. sci and chapter 7&8.. WOW WOW. geog.. i cant rmb.. >.< haha.. nvm lar.. i am half asleep now lo.. wanna catch my beauty sleep liao.. good night..  ¶ 10:47 PM 0 Comments

  unfair! TOTALLY UNFAIR!! i hate my life .. seriously i do.. what the hell? this is crap.. pandora just told me that Inggrid is going for the trails on monday! OMG OMG.. totally shocked.. i REALLY WISHED she wun't get in! call me selfish, self-centred.. anything u want.. but i really don't wish that she comes in and spoil MY happy family of badminton team.. we were actually one big group.. why must she come in.. we have even numbers now.. if she comes in.. who will be the one without partner? OBVIOUSLY me.. after two LONG months, everyone will be like settled down and with their partners.. and me when i come back.. WHO will be the extra one then?! it'z gonna be ME!
ME, ME, ME and ME! oh thanks man kelly for bringing a player into the team.. oh dammit.. when i go back to the team.. everyone's gonna be like so good? all improved within the 2months? and me?! starting from the basic again?! this is crap! then i'll never get in the team.. never at this rate where i am moving.. i get so jealous when i see all my mates getting ready and preparing to train.. i wanna train with them like i used to.. but i gotta wait for two months.. maybe then the feeling is gone..
My knee keeps hurting.. just and when it wants.. without signal.. at any moment.. when u are walking half way u might just fall down.. well.. i almost did today.. luckily i held onto something or esle..i oso dunno.. itz pain lar.. like sth pulling ur muscles apart.. pulling and pulling until it snaps.. like a rubberband.. it pulls my muscle until i felt like someone pinching me.. *ouch!* and the pain is from the inside.. i can't do anything to it.. i felt so helpless lar! i rubbed how many thousand times oso pain.. haix.. hopeless.. i am gonecase.. my hardwork of 6months training went down the drain JUST LIKE THAT! JUST LIKE THAT. in a day. u won't know how i feel lo.  ¶ 8:56 PM 0 Comments

  scanning.. Today was PURE fun! We had photo taking and wow. although it was only like 5mins i really enjoyed myself! =D we had the formal and the fun one.. and yup.. i cant wait to get the pictures soon! =)
well, i was almost late for my appointment with the doctor.. we ended sch at 1.35 littat.. den i was like searching for sum1 to go back with.. haha.. den i asked tengrui and his gang lar..it was actually a big group but it shrunk to only me, tengrui, liang kai and isabel.. haha.. it was dumb.. we went to chang cheng.. the gate was locked.. den to the coconut stairs.. it was also locked.. walk here walk there it was already 215.. and my appointment is at 3.. fantastic.. we walk to the main gate lar.. den at the mrt station we decided to take taxi.. =D teng rui mummy pay for me.. thanks! haha..
oh ya.. my knee.. hmmMM .. i can't play sports and do vigrous LEG excercise for 2months.. =( den i gotta do physio for 2mths and see how i fared lo.. den they will tell me if i can play sports again anot.. 2months?! october.. FANTASTIC. how am i gonna play the match for cedar girls? the teacher have already like kinda set me as a singles player.. and wad.. my knee.. 2months.. crap.. i find it irresponsible lar! really i do! leaving the team at this moment when they are training so hard.. when a match is coming up so soon.. i will try my best to recover fast enough so that i will not be a dissapointment to everyone that pin high hopes on me.. but i am already dissapointed.. when the doctor said i could not play for 2months i quickly tot of the upcoming match.. i asked the doctor if i could play.. and he threw a strong and firm 'NO' to my face.. omg.. even the doctor wun let me play.. den i was like huh.. and the doctor said if i wanna play, it will be at my own risk. AT MY OWN RISK. the risk of tearing my ligament and the risk of not playing badminton ever again.. well.. i am thinking now.. deciding very hard if i should go or stay.. i really don't know..  ¶ 7:36 PM 0 Comments

  Argh! Today was dumb. Everything was going on fine. Then went for assembly. Very lame lo. At first wanted to sing and praise out loud ! but the guys on stage are ... ... crap lar.. they sing off-tune.. then make me lose my mood le.. people in ahs aren't that enthu after all.. No one sang along out loud. =(
Then after that we were like crapping in our own small little groups. had fun. But alicia wack my knee lo. dam pain. ='( then for the rest of the time when i walk is like the muscles stretching littat.. DAM pain lo.. i hold back my tears lar.. dun wanna be a crybaby.. but the pain was just SO pain lo.. really! like sth in ur knee tearing apart.. then i rely on my left knee.. and it starts to hurt.. aww.. who noes i will be crippled one day.. jkjk.. i reject that in the name of Jesus. LOL. then in the cell they prayed for me.. wow.. got new friends! teng rui and vanessa joined us! =D hope they enjoyed the cell!
But i still feel that i kinda spoilt the whole spirit.. Everyone was like crowding around me.. then the cell wasn't able to carry out fast enough.. i felt like REALLY a burden lar.. although natalia told me that everyone is willing to help de.. but i still can sense that abit of unwillingness in them.. so i was trying to put on a brave front.. telling them it was ok when all was'nt.. i really don't want them to think i am useless.. i keep having knee problems nowadays and i know that SOME people are not really glad about it.. i know that lo.. but u think i want that to happen meh? who doesn't wanna be fit and join in what others does? i am not like the extraodinary who wants to get injuries... well, u guys just don't understand lar.. haix. i really wish my knee would have no problems.. now that both knees are injured how can i use crutches ? i can't put any weight on any knee.. both will break down! haix.   ¶ 7:48 PM 0 Comments

  LOL >.< i trained =X =D missed me? haha.. today was shiok.. i meant the training..well, i wasn't suppose to train coz i din't know what was wrong with my knee and miss tan told me not to trained until i go to the scan on 7.7.. which is like 2 more days?! LOL. it was so that i wun make the injury worst. >.< haha..but still i trained =X sorry lar.. but i was just TOO tempted.. my whole body was itching for a game.. and yea.. i STROKE with chi koong. lol.
nothing much lar.. just that i cant 'tiao' and netting only lar.. nothing much lo.. and just that i cant run properly only lar.. nothing much... =X hahax.. i really enjoyed myself lo!! but i am sad.. when can i ever play normally like last time? when i can run without care to take the balls? =( i could no longer slide on my KNEES like last time to dash for the balls.. i am so jealous when people are able to rest on their knees lar! haix.. just gonna wait PATIENTLY for the scan and know wad the hell is wrong with my knees lo! it hurts at time.. at any position.. but i just gotta act like normal so that people wun crowd around me.. sumtimes it was jus so pain that i could not do anything else.. !! i am scared.. what if i can't play singles anymore? =( kelly just got inggrid for the trails lar.. oh well.. thanks lo! if she is in, with her height like mine, she may take my place in singles and i coz of my KNEES be kicked out! i dun wan tat to happen.. why mus summone join our happy family of badminton?!  ¶ 7:59 PM 0 Comments

  the service that changed everyone's live. today i went to service and pastor kong had shared a very nice sermon.. well, he shared about the purpose in one's life again.. everything in life has a purpose.. God has predetermined everything.. and everything has a part to play. God wastes nothing. He uses everything. and NOTHING in ur life is ever wasted. u may think that u are jus an unimportant person but u do serve a purpose!
Your purpose is in the mind of God. nobody but God alone can sastify ur quest. Your purpose(vocation --> vocal) is constantly and unceasingly calling out to u..where purpose is not known, abuse is inevitable. when u dunno the real purpose of sth, u will start to misuse them. Like if u dunno the real purpose of child, there is child abuse, u dunno the purpose of drugs, there is drug abuse.. so becareful..
what u have a passion for predicts ur purpose.. ur purpose is sth u loved so much that u can even do it for free in the beginning.. well, i end of by saying that where ur talents and the needs of the world intersect, therein lies ur purpose..
so continue searching for UR purpose in life. nothing is ever wasted ok!
and to jo: i really dun wanna see u quit ur cca. God wastes nothing.. and putting u in netball, i am sure He has a purpose for u there too.. i wan u to tink twice b4 u make any desicion coz once u made this step, u can never turn back time.  ¶ 1:24 PM 0 Comments

  sports day we had sports day today.. i was a total failure.. a disgrace.. i was suppose to take part in 3 events but i only managed to take part in 2.. [but that was'nt wad that made me a failure, a disgrace] oh well.. i took part in the 200m and 4x100m relay..
but it took me alot of thinking process that leads me to THIS desicion that i had made.. the day b4, i already wanted to take part in the race.. i begged my teachers not to forfeit me and not to find replacement for me.. i was really keen in running.. and to a person like me, if i really did not manage to run the race, it will be very saddening.. my seniors and classmates all did not wanted me to run the race.. they were scared that i would agrivate my injury..well, i knew that too.. but i jus LOVE running too much lar.. it took me much effort to persuade my teachers to let me take part in the race.. and it was an effort paid off!
but on the day itself, i woke up all ready to run and bring glory to God. i went to the stadium with alicia early in the morning and i warmed myself up by running the first 400m.. after that when i went back, nat came.. she brought me my knee guards and i wore them.. the knee guards were obstruction to my leg movement.. i had to spent like more effort den anyone else to run fast.. and my both knees were injured so can u imagine how difficult it was for me to run? but still, i did not give up.. i continue to run.. as my both knees were already injured, i had to put all my body weight on my ankle and it cause my ankle to be injured too.. so is like i was wif 3 guards - 2 knee guards, 1 ankle..
crap lar.. b4 assembly, i was already beginning to lose confidence.. how can a person wif 3 guards ever win? i am not even used to the guards around me! so i took out the bible and began to read it and boost my confidence lvl up.. and well.. we find a quiet spot and natalia prayed for me.. i felt abit better..
den after assembly, mr tan saw me wif the guards and asked me not to run as he has a feeling that i will injure my knee more.. i really DID wanted to run.. most of my friends were encouraging me.. but mr tan was scared that i might not play and run for the rest of my life.. i know the consequences too.. but well, with me alone, i cant decide.. so i turned to God once again.. i prayed and asked for wisdom.. i told Him to give me wad He tinks is best for me.. whether afterwards if i run anot i cannot regret THAT desicion.. so well.. i cried in the process.. i was really lost.. i talked to natalia and phildia.. they told me not to run.. but in my heart there is sth just telling me that i shud give it a try and in my mind there is sth telling me that wad if the consequences is too big for u to bear?
but still, i went down... i dunno if i did the right ting but i did win a medal for myself.. 2nd place.. sth which i wasnt happy about.. i cried again [ i know i am a loser, a crybaby but i can't help it too at that time ] How could i ever lose to the girl i won during heats?! i jus couldn't accept that fact! after the race.. i jus broke down into tears.. i was devastated.. truly.. but it was a choice i made.. i've got nth to comment..
for the 4x100 relay, i got 1st.. and when it was prize presentation, i took off my knee guards.. coz i wasn't running anymore.. and guessed wad? i jus couldn't support my own body weight and i fell onto the grass.. -ouch! i put the guards back and tried walking.. i was too reliable on the guards.. if i did not run with the knee guards, i guessed i would have break down half way running.. oh well..
after sports day, we wanted to go pizza hut to eat.. but when we were walking fu seng told us he lost his mp3.. and we went to help him search.. but in vain.. he was sad.. and we decided to chip in and get him one mp3.. we know he was sad although he looked ok.. he took alot of time to saved up and buy the mp3! and when he got it, he was so happy lar! den now.. ok.. nvmm...
after that .. we went to tampines safra to bowl! yay! me, alicia, louisa(she never bowl) , ivan, valentino, hongkai, zhiyang, fuseng.. yupps.. was fun lar.. all my toubles were gone and i was happy again! =D
well, now that sports day is over, i tink i shud rest my knee now.. i am going for a scan for my knee on 7-7 and i hope that everything will be ok and that i will be able to play badminton and run again! i have missed quite alot of the ranking/ line-up.. i cannot lack le.. or else later i be the last among the c galz which i never wanna be! God bless.
i believe in u jesus! =D  ¶ 11:29 PM 0 Comments