A winner.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
GIVE ME ALL I NEED TO CARRY ON..
Haix, bad day for me in school again. Everyday don't seem good. I don't even look forward to each day. I wished that this week don't end so fast, i don't wanna stress myself again. IT SUCKS. I'm afraid. But I guess i would just continue to have Faith in God? Hmm.. hope so.. Faith has been running low for me, Fatigue has been rising up like mad. INBALANCE lifestyle, unhealthy for me.
Try balancing it? With Love and care. That's the right portion i think. From everyone. I think I'm getting on a little better with this temporarily medicine. Thanks Nat, Jo and Pugkor. =D You guys are the ones keeping me on. Your love and care, truly touched me. I'm serious, suddenly i felt love in this world of hatred. Suddenly, I feel much better.
But as I said, it was temporarily, it was not going to last. I still have to be on the battle ground again after breaking down. But at least i know you guys are there. When i needed you all. How i wish i could really take a break from everything just for once. And really work out my life, every step i take, every moment i make. I don't want a life of regrets. I just wanna be a happy me like i used to. I wanna use myself to the fullest without breaking down. I needa plan my life, i can't go on like last time, just follow as the days goes by. I wanna work towards my vision, NO DEVIL GONNA STOP ME, trying hard, but there are so many things to be stressed about. NO wonder, life is never smooth sailing. OBSTACLES, they never birng you down, but bring you up to a better person. I appreciate it, but too much of it makes me sick and tired of it.
oh well, all is done, my life is planned. Nothing i do is gonna change it. Accept my fate, i will do, But, i can do other things to make it better? hope so.. ¶ 8:55 PM 0 Comments
Try balancing it? With Love and care. That's the right portion i think. From everyone. I think I'm getting on a little better with this temporarily medicine. Thanks Nat, Jo and Pugkor. =D You guys are the ones keeping me on. Your love and care, truly touched me. I'm serious, suddenly i felt love in this world of hatred. Suddenly, I feel much better.
But as I said, it was temporarily, it was not going to last. I still have to be on the battle ground again after breaking down. But at least i know you guys are there. When i needed you all. How i wish i could really take a break from everything just for once. And really work out my life, every step i take, every moment i make. I don't want a life of regrets. I just wanna be a happy me like i used to. I wanna use myself to the fullest without breaking down. I needa plan my life, i can't go on like last time, just follow as the days goes by. I wanna work towards my vision, NO DEVIL GONNA STOP ME, trying hard, but there are so many things to be stressed about. NO wonder, life is never smooth sailing. OBSTACLES, they never birng you down, but bring you up to a better person. I appreciate it, but too much of it makes me sick and tired of it.
oh well, all is done, my life is planned. Nothing i do is gonna change it. Accept my fate, i will do, But, i can do other things to make it better? hope so.. ¶ 8:55 PM 0 Comments
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Take me to your side, I'm tired of my life.
Can anyone help me?! Omg, i am truly sad lar. I am really tired of living, tired of carrying on in this life. What's the use of fighting so hard? What do i get in return?! Nothing. Cry is what i do everyday, even now. I really feel helpless. It's my life and i can't do anything to control it. I CAN'T DO ANYTHING!! I am really tired of this thing. I wanna give up, but to the devil? NOOOoOOOOO.. NEVER.. Someone just like tell me what should i do next? I am really so lost. I can't think of anything else to do to make this better.
LIFE. What the hell does it really means? It's a way to torture us?! Then i tell you, i am gonna end my life now. LOST LOST LOST. There is nothing i could do. My life in school, my life at home. ALL in a big mess! What has happened to me?! I can't even get hold of myself! I wanna start anew! I don't wanna be born in this life, this family.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! Today had council.. Went to school, and it was really so bad, that i can't help but to cry whenever i think of it. IT was PA, omg, freaking hell. TELL ME WHAT TO DO?! should i quit it?! I Am really confused. BRing me away, from this pain and sucky life. TIRED, truly. I wanna end it. I don't feel as much welcome in PA anymore. IT SUCKS. TRULY. I was suppose to help out in Pa, for the teacher's day concert. THE councillors. US. ME. The seniors called vivian up to set up the mikes. But what about me!? NO ONE ACTUALLY DID BOTHER TO CALL ME! As if i don't even exist.. What kind of treatment am I having? I din't bother. I WENT UP AND ASKED THE SENIORS IF I COULD HELP. I did the first move. I TRIED. But did they even care?! NO, they did even wanted me to be in PA, that's what i felt. I am just nothing to them. THey din't even bother if i was here. And then, the rest is gonna think that it was me that don't wanna help. EH, GET THIS CLEAR, I DID THE FIRST MOVE, I WENT AND ASKED IF I COULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP. I ASKED, OPENED MY BLOODY MOUTH TO ASK. IT WAS THEM WHO HACK CARE, THEY DIDN'T WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING. AND THE REST THINKS THAT I WAS ME THAT DIN'T WANTED TO HELP. LOOK?! WHERE THE HELL IS JUSTICE?!
I am tired. Maybe i should just quit it, just quit it. ME being there is as good as me not there. It just show more of my unworth! CAN I JUST END MY LIFE?! I don't find my purpose anymore. I feel so useless. I AM USELESS. WHY WAS I BORN IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Probably just quit council too, i really needa talk to hui min about it. But i can't find the perfect time. I can see that she is stressed. I don't wanna add to her stressed. But i really needa to talk to her. I REALLY NEEDA LET HER SEE my problems, or it's me who will break down one day. Truly tired, TRUUUUUUUUUULYTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love council, but i don't feel the love in there anymore. I LOVE PEOPLE IN PA, But i don't feel loved in there ANYMORE. This is already enough to make me wanna die. THEN COMES MY FAMILY. well done, THANKS ALOT GOD. What a good life you have planned for me.
SCH, friends, family, siblings. GET A LIFE. i needa find myself back! I'm lost among them. I can't seem to get hold of myself. Stay, i know i should do that. BUT I TELL YOU, I'VE BEEN HOLDING ON FOR VERY LONG. OBSTACLES AFTER ANOTHER. JUST WHEN WILL THIS END?! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. ALL THE PROBLEMS ARE COMING ONE AFTER ANOTHER. I WAN A REST. I WANNA STOP ALL THESE PAIN AND SUFFERINGS. GOD, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON. IF IT WAS ME ON ME OWN, I WILL BE LONG DEAD. I CAN'T TAKE A HELL SINGLE MOMENT OF IT ANYMORE. I AM BETTER HELL OFF DEAD. EVEN THE DEAD GET A BETTER LIFE THEN ME. I DON'T LIKE THE TREATMENT I GET. i really wanna give up... I've lost the strength to carry on, the will to fight on. Hang on mid air, face the troubles, fall down and not stand up. but just fall deeper and deeper into the web of death. THAT's what i see of myself in the near future. NO one is here to help me, all is gone,where were them when i needed them?! I'm all alone, crying my eyes off, typing this. but no one cared. NOT EVEN MY MUM, I HATE THIS. Why is this happening to me?! I used to have a happy life. A life of joy, what has got into me?! i Need the real me. MYSELF. i need you back in my life. ¶ 4:27 PM 0 Comments
LIFE. What the hell does it really means? It's a way to torture us?! Then i tell you, i am gonna end my life now. LOST LOST LOST. There is nothing i could do. My life in school, my life at home. ALL in a big mess! What has happened to me?! I can't even get hold of myself! I wanna start anew! I don't wanna be born in this life, this family.
I REALLY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!! Today had council.. Went to school, and it was really so bad, that i can't help but to cry whenever i think of it. IT was PA, omg, freaking hell. TELL ME WHAT TO DO?! should i quit it?! I Am really confused. BRing me away, from this pain and sucky life. TIRED, truly. I wanna end it. I don't feel as much welcome in PA anymore. IT SUCKS. TRULY. I was suppose to help out in Pa, for the teacher's day concert. THE councillors. US. ME. The seniors called vivian up to set up the mikes. But what about me!? NO ONE ACTUALLY DID BOTHER TO CALL ME! As if i don't even exist.. What kind of treatment am I having? I din't bother. I WENT UP AND ASKED THE SENIORS IF I COULD HELP. I did the first move. I TRIED. But did they even care?! NO, they did even wanted me to be in PA, that's what i felt. I am just nothing to them. THey din't even bother if i was here. And then, the rest is gonna think that it was me that don't wanna help. EH, GET THIS CLEAR, I DID THE FIRST MOVE, I WENT AND ASKED IF I COULD DO ANYTHING TO HELP. I ASKED, OPENED MY BLOODY MOUTH TO ASK. IT WAS THEM WHO HACK CARE, THEY DIDN'T WANT ME TO DO ANYTHING. AND THE REST THINKS THAT I WAS ME THAT DIN'T WANTED TO HELP. LOOK?! WHERE THE HELL IS JUSTICE?!
I am tired. Maybe i should just quit it, just quit it. ME being there is as good as me not there. It just show more of my unworth! CAN I JUST END MY LIFE?! I don't find my purpose anymore. I feel so useless. I AM USELESS. WHY WAS I BORN IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Probably just quit council too, i really needa talk to hui min about it. But i can't find the perfect time. I can see that she is stressed. I don't wanna add to her stressed. But i really needa to talk to her. I REALLY NEEDA LET HER SEE my problems, or it's me who will break down one day. Truly tired, TRUUUUUUUUUULYTYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love council, but i don't feel the love in there anymore. I LOVE PEOPLE IN PA, But i don't feel loved in there ANYMORE. This is already enough to make me wanna die. THEN COMES MY FAMILY. well done, THANKS ALOT GOD. What a good life you have planned for me.
SCH, friends, family, siblings. GET A LIFE. i needa find myself back! I'm lost among them. I can't seem to get hold of myself. Stay, i know i should do that. BUT I TELL YOU, I'VE BEEN HOLDING ON FOR VERY LONG. OBSTACLES AFTER ANOTHER. JUST WHEN WILL THIS END?! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. ALL THE PROBLEMS ARE COMING ONE AFTER ANOTHER. I WAN A REST. I WANNA STOP ALL THESE PAIN AND SUFFERINGS. GOD, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO CARRY ON. IF IT WAS ME ON ME OWN, I WILL BE LONG DEAD. I CAN'T TAKE A HELL SINGLE MOMENT OF IT ANYMORE. I AM BETTER HELL OFF DEAD. EVEN THE DEAD GET A BETTER LIFE THEN ME. I DON'T LIKE THE TREATMENT I GET. i really wanna give up... I've lost the strength to carry on, the will to fight on. Hang on mid air, face the troubles, fall down and not stand up. but just fall deeper and deeper into the web of death. THAT's what i see of myself in the near future. NO one is here to help me, all is gone,where were them when i needed them?! I'm all alone, crying my eyes off, typing this. but no one cared. NOT EVEN MY MUM, I HATE THIS. Why is this happening to me?! I used to have a happy life. A life of joy, what has got into me?! i Need the real me. MYSELF. i need you back in my life. ¶ 4:27 PM 0 Comments
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Faith is simply believing in God even when your life gives you the reason not to do so =D
Harlo..!! So long never blog liao.. =) Actually partly coz i have no mood lar.. hahaha..Lol, oh my, i've got no mood again.. i'll blog again another time.. bye! enjoy! =D
¶ 6:15 PM 0 Comments
Friday, August 19, 2005
GET LOST DEVIL
ARGH, it has been freaking long since i ever update my blog. Well, i just din't have the mood to do so. All these days have been really stressed for me. REALLY. The devil is not gonna let go of me! Truly, he is'nt! Creating more and more problems after i solve them each. Just what does he wants?! I'm sick and tired of my life. Why am I studying so hard for? What's the use of going to school learning anything? It's just a waste of my time. I wanna work towards my vision. The vision of doing well and bringing glory to God and myself. I wanna let others see what can God do to my life. I wanna be a living testimony!
And yes, I became more attentive in class. Learning and really understanding what the teachers said and taking down notes when i feel it's the time. I've really wanna change so that i can do well in my studies. Actually it's not really very difficult to listen and really understand. I've got the concept and asked when in doubt. And after clearing my doubts, i felt better and more confident for the next test to come.
But i still gotta say, the devil is never gonna let go of me. He gave me lousy teachers. Seriously. All the teachers teach like crap. They cannot get the attention of the class. The class becomes noisy and they hack care. Continue with their teaching, ANd i definately can listen to what they say. With the LOUD noise as backgroud. Wonderful. I asked the class to shut up, but what will they do? stop for a minute? and den continue, argh, thanks, that was all i needed. Then i will strain my ears to hear, but after i strained too much, i get tired and give up. Then end up i don't learn anything. How i wish i was sitting in front. They got all the attention they could. I want a transfer of seats. But it will be like so loner. I don't know, i'll think about it.
OMG, and i seriously thinks that NC Koh sucks! SHE IS BLOODY HELL BIASED AGAINST SPORTS CLASS! She keep pin-pointing us. Today, when she was teaching, she suddenly scolded Josephine for mumbling. She ACUSED her that she was talking to leeying and it was like so obviously NOT! And when leeying say she did not, she scolded us again and said what " This is what i don't like about you all, always trying to cover up for your friends and being the hero." ARGH CRAP. When we are saying the truth she don't give a damn. She has such a high ego lar, don't even wanna admit when she is in the wrong. I hate ppl who malign others. I simply hate them. And i guesssed i hated mrs koh now.
Guessed school isn't a really perfect place for me. I don't seem to enjoy there. I was so freaking stressed, and all troubles start to fall on me. I fell a heavy burden on my shoulder. THESE are the responsibilities i had to shoulder. I can't take it anymore. I wanna take a rest from everything! EVERYTHING. I borrowed bible from Josephine and was looking for verses to comfort me. I looked through the book of Psalms, and i did get alittle better.
But as i thought over it, fear just overcome me. I suddenly felt so scared and alone. I did not know what to do. I seriously was stressed up. But i could not do anything. It was CmE, not much to pay attention to, but mr yeow was nice. He offer me a listening ears, and offered to pray for me if i needed it. Thanks. Looks like the only teachers i would listen to if they teach is only mdm teo, mr yeow and mr ben tan. They are the best teachers in AHS! i love them!
Felt better after crying. Felt even better when they badminton girls made jokes to cheered me up. Thanks! That's the first real smile that came from the bottom of my heart for the day. I felt really better. The hurts on my heart were actually cured that instant when i smiled sincerely. I start to love more. =) Had a nice talk with Josephine, Edmund and Liangkai after sch. We were crapping until so fun. But we went back so early, wanted to talk more, but the guys wanna go play basket ball liao.. =(
I BELIEVE FOR A BETTER TOMMORROW! =D ¶ 7:11 PM 0 Comments
And yes, I became more attentive in class. Learning and really understanding what the teachers said and taking down notes when i feel it's the time. I've really wanna change so that i can do well in my studies. Actually it's not really very difficult to listen and really understand. I've got the concept and asked when in doubt. And after clearing my doubts, i felt better and more confident for the next test to come.
But i still gotta say, the devil is never gonna let go of me. He gave me lousy teachers. Seriously. All the teachers teach like crap. They cannot get the attention of the class. The class becomes noisy and they hack care. Continue with their teaching, ANd i definately can listen to what they say. With the LOUD noise as backgroud. Wonderful. I asked the class to shut up, but what will they do? stop for a minute? and den continue, argh, thanks, that was all i needed. Then i will strain my ears to hear, but after i strained too much, i get tired and give up. Then end up i don't learn anything. How i wish i was sitting in front. They got all the attention they could. I want a transfer of seats. But it will be like so loner. I don't know, i'll think about it.
OMG, and i seriously thinks that NC Koh sucks! SHE IS BLOODY HELL BIASED AGAINST SPORTS CLASS! She keep pin-pointing us. Today, when she was teaching, she suddenly scolded Josephine for mumbling. She ACUSED her that she was talking to leeying and it was like so obviously NOT! And when leeying say she did not, she scolded us again and said what " This is what i don't like about you all, always trying to cover up for your friends and being the hero." ARGH CRAP. When we are saying the truth she don't give a damn. She has such a high ego lar, don't even wanna admit when she is in the wrong. I hate ppl who malign others. I simply hate them. And i guesssed i hated mrs koh now.
Guessed school isn't a really perfect place for me. I don't seem to enjoy there. I was so freaking stressed, and all troubles start to fall on me. I fell a heavy burden on my shoulder. THESE are the responsibilities i had to shoulder. I can't take it anymore. I wanna take a rest from everything! EVERYTHING. I borrowed bible from Josephine and was looking for verses to comfort me. I looked through the book of Psalms, and i did get alittle better.
But as i thought over it, fear just overcome me. I suddenly felt so scared and alone. I did not know what to do. I seriously was stressed up. But i could not do anything. It was CmE, not much to pay attention to, but mr yeow was nice. He offer me a listening ears, and offered to pray for me if i needed it. Thanks. Looks like the only teachers i would listen to if they teach is only mdm teo, mr yeow and mr ben tan. They are the best teachers in AHS! i love them!
Felt better after crying. Felt even better when they badminton girls made jokes to cheered me up. Thanks! That's the first real smile that came from the bottom of my heart for the day. I felt really better. The hurts on my heart were actually cured that instant when i smiled sincerely. I start to love more. =) Had a nice talk with Josephine, Edmund and Liangkai after sch. We were crapping until so fun. But we went back so early, wanted to talk more, but the guys wanna go play basket ball liao.. =(
I BELIEVE FOR A BETTER TOMMORROW! =D ¶ 7:11 PM 0 Comments
Sunday, August 14, 2005
When nth seems to go your way, it's time to change your plans =)
Hi everyboday! I've a fresh new vision and mission for my life starting from today! I will not lead the kinda usual life where i wake up go sch, hang out with friends go back and zZz.. i AM gonna life a new life! A life full of meaning! A new vision for my life, where i work with purpose and with God by my side leading my through my darkest moment and my brightest ones!
I've been through many hardships and yes, it has definately moulded me into a better person. But with my life like last time, everyday just passing by without knowing what really is there for me, all the hardships i've gone through are just a waste of my time. So I've really thought over it, why don't i use my experience of my own life and use it on every single day of my life? I'm gonna live everyday meaningfully. I'm gonna work towards the direction of my goal. I'm gonna be the brand new me!
Working with God is definately what I have been longing for. I felt my purpose calling to me. And I'm gonna work towards my purpose. I felt God asking me to work hard and study hard for Him. And yes, He will definately help me if I need help. I've gone through alot and my faith has grown stronger for Him. I believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I'm gonna study for my sake, His sake and my future's sake. I'm gonna take everything seriously. I need time management skills. I believe all things will work out for me as time goes by. The beginning may be hard. But i Shall Perservere. I shall reached my goal and my purpose! I wanna live a life of hopes!
And now, what can i do? For the vice-captain of badminton, what i can do is get everyone back into REAL serious training mood. I tried. But failed. Ahaha, but the devil's is never gonna bring me down! I'm gonna bring you down devil! I seriously needa get my team all well ready for next year, and i hope that everyone does a part to help. Don't complain when asked to do things, instead, do it fast and seriously. All may be tired, but the results come out great. When there is no sacrifice there is no filling. Yes! We still have a lot more to go. And i want you guys to really understand what we meant by team spirit! You guys think you have it but i tell you, all Don't ! i can't deny, i don't have it too. It takes two hands to clap, how can our team have team spirit when all of the team members are not even IN to help your friends? We've gotta help and really bond this relationship with our members, they are the ones we gonna go through hardships together for 4 years. 4 years, don't you guys want it to be an enjoyable one, that is after these years, you will find true friends that really stay by your side. We all have bad points, even me, and i really hope that WE can change it all for our own sake. Not just for our team. I want a group of loving friends. A team with passion, not just a team with skills! No matter how much you don't like a person, Try to like that person, you can do it. I know. Coz i've done it. I'm waiting for you guys.
I will work to my vision of Good results in whatever i do. And for badminton, i really hope that my team can do it with me. ¶ 8:24 AM 0 Comments
I've been through many hardships and yes, it has definately moulded me into a better person. But with my life like last time, everyday just passing by without knowing what really is there for me, all the hardships i've gone through are just a waste of my time. So I've really thought over it, why don't i use my experience of my own life and use it on every single day of my life? I'm gonna live everyday meaningfully. I'm gonna work towards the direction of my goal. I'm gonna be the brand new me!
Working with God is definately what I have been longing for. I felt my purpose calling to me. And I'm gonna work towards my purpose. I felt God asking me to work hard and study hard for Him. And yes, He will definately help me if I need help. I've gone through alot and my faith has grown stronger for Him. I believe I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I'm gonna study for my sake, His sake and my future's sake. I'm gonna take everything seriously. I need time management skills. I believe all things will work out for me as time goes by. The beginning may be hard. But i Shall Perservere. I shall reached my goal and my purpose! I wanna live a life of hopes!
And now, what can i do? For the vice-captain of badminton, what i can do is get everyone back into REAL serious training mood. I tried. But failed. Ahaha, but the devil's is never gonna bring me down! I'm gonna bring you down devil! I seriously needa get my team all well ready for next year, and i hope that everyone does a part to help. Don't complain when asked to do things, instead, do it fast and seriously. All may be tired, but the results come out great. When there is no sacrifice there is no filling. Yes! We still have a lot more to go. And i want you guys to really understand what we meant by team spirit! You guys think you have it but i tell you, all Don't ! i can't deny, i don't have it too. It takes two hands to clap, how can our team have team spirit when all of the team members are not even IN to help your friends? We've gotta help and really bond this relationship with our members, they are the ones we gonna go through hardships together for 4 years. 4 years, don't you guys want it to be an enjoyable one, that is after these years, you will find true friends that really stay by your side. We all have bad points, even me, and i really hope that WE can change it all for our own sake. Not just for our team. I want a group of loving friends. A team with passion, not just a team with skills! No matter how much you don't like a person, Try to like that person, you can do it. I know. Coz i've done it. I'm waiting for you guys.
I will work to my vision of Good results in whatever i do. And for badminton, i really hope that my team can do it with me. ¶ 8:24 AM 0 Comments
Saturday, August 06, 2005
Can't hold on anymore.
[HEY! MY POST WAS DELETED, so sorry]
I really wanna give up!! I can't hold on anymore. Everytime, when something bad happens, i try my best to believe that it will turn out to be fine soon. But always, I get disappointed. I really wanna rest. Really. I wanna get a week of rest, without thinking of anything. Just calm myself down and yar, relax. I have been stressing myself alot. Things have been stressing me too. I hate my knee. Why is my knee always giving me trouble?! I really feel very lost. Everytime my knee feels weak, i can't even do anything! Just gain attention. -.-"" Is like, i can't control it. How i wish things could go the way i want it to. Argh. I don't know lar. I just hate my knee, ppl always ask me to take care of my knee. Like lol?! Of course i will, it's my knee, who don't want it to recover?! But do you know that i took very good care of it, and yet, it still will break down?! It's not like i never care about it, then it pain, i won't blame my knee lar. But i took so good care of it, what else does it want?! I spent time doing physio and you know it's like so tiring?! Everytime i will perservere, having the mind set that when my knees get stronger, i won't feel that weak anymore and it will not break down easily. But what ALWAYS happen?! SPENDING like so long doing it, it's VERY tiring, but it has NO effect. I feel really very depressed lar. I am tired. Truly. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Without friends by my side giving me moral support and keeping me on, I think i will be like half-hopeless now. But they can't be always the one keeping me on, i myself have to believe in God for a miracle. Little faith can still move mountains. I'll hang on, But JUST how long more?! I had alot of setbacks. ALOT. To make me stronger each time. But now, as troubles mutiply, i don't think i am getting stronger. Yet, feeling more depressed each time.
DEVIL, PLEASE, let me go. Jesus took away all my pain already. What else you want from me. Making me in pain does not make me backslide. Instead, it makes me trust God more for healing. I trust in Jesus, and YOU can never take His mighty place. GET LOST. ¶ 3:21 PM 0 Comments
I really wanna give up!! I can't hold on anymore. Everytime, when something bad happens, i try my best to believe that it will turn out to be fine soon. But always, I get disappointed. I really wanna rest. Really. I wanna get a week of rest, without thinking of anything. Just calm myself down and yar, relax. I have been stressing myself alot. Things have been stressing me too. I hate my knee. Why is my knee always giving me trouble?! I really feel very lost. Everytime my knee feels weak, i can't even do anything! Just gain attention. -.-"" Is like, i can't control it. How i wish things could go the way i want it to. Argh. I don't know lar. I just hate my knee, ppl always ask me to take care of my knee. Like lol?! Of course i will, it's my knee, who don't want it to recover?! But do you know that i took very good care of it, and yet, it still will break down?! It's not like i never care about it, then it pain, i won't blame my knee lar. But i took so good care of it, what else does it want?! I spent time doing physio and you know it's like so tiring?! Everytime i will perservere, having the mind set that when my knees get stronger, i won't feel that weak anymore and it will not break down easily. But what ALWAYS happen?! SPENDING like so long doing it, it's VERY tiring, but it has NO effect. I feel really very depressed lar. I am tired. Truly. Mentally, physically and spiritually. Without friends by my side giving me moral support and keeping me on, I think i will be like half-hopeless now. But they can't be always the one keeping me on, i myself have to believe in God for a miracle. Little faith can still move mountains. I'll hang on, But JUST how long more?! I had alot of setbacks. ALOT. To make me stronger each time. But now, as troubles mutiply, i don't think i am getting stronger. Yet, feeling more depressed each time.
DEVIL, PLEASE, let me go. Jesus took away all my pain already. What else you want from me. Making me in pain does not make me backslide. Instead, it makes me trust God more for healing. I trust in Jesus, and YOU can never take His mighty place. GET LOST. ¶ 3:21 PM 0 Comments
Tuesday, August 02, 2005
can this be a sermon instead? >.<
whOo! today so fun lar! =D hah.. we manage to call 14 ppl down for the 16th anniversary liao! omg! we gonnna really rock the whole indoor stadium lar.. like half of each sports class going.. =D I'm so glad. If we are able to call more down, maybe we could hire a bus and all would be musch easier! So i just can't wait for that day to come! Abc revival! =D Holy competition! haha.. I really can't believe the number of people that are going! I believe that it will be a great day and all will enjoy!
Haha.. and today was just like many other normal days lar.. yar.. but i felt more loved.. especially by mdm teo =D.. haha.. not being sarcastic, i'm serious. She is really Caring after all. She gives me advice on how to like take care of my knee and yar.. Although beginning of the term, we din't like each other very much. Had misunderstood her. OMG. But things have definatly got better for me. =] I've reached my dead end and when i choose another path to go, all things seemed better for me! Hallelujah! Praise the lord!
After thinking over, actually you can love everyone if you put your heart to really like that person. Yar, so i think i shall really go open my heart and Love those i hate. Don't turn anger into hate, turn them into energy. Like subjects, if you keep telling yourself you like that subject, soon, you will do well in it. Yes, I Believe that God doesn't want me to hate. =D I shall love those who hate me too, and soon, we'll be a loving family. By then, I will feel a sense of accomplishment. People aren't that bad too. Although having bad points, they do have good points too. Maybe their bad points are more than their good ones, we mus still learn to appreciate their good points instead of ostracising them because of their bad. By all ways, They Do Serve A Purpose. And their purpose is the accomplish Good things. NOT to make people hate them. Who don't wanna be LOVED and be with a group of loving friends? Who wants to be ostracised and be left out each time others are enjoying? Who wants to be hate when they are so good to their friends? NO ONE.
People ostracise people because of many things. And in that way, the one being left out will have a sense of shame, because they are different from the others. They like to join the crowd and be accepted. But difference is to make you feel unique, not to give you shame. People wanna be the same as their friends and join in their click. Shame comes when you are different from others, by physical appearance, rejection etc. When shame comes, they take away your confidence. But why do people wanna feel shame? We Are Complete In Christ. But we choose to see our lack and feel shame. With shame, people cover their real self and over react, it will be difficult to be bold. You'll never take away shame unless you make it known, so take a step of faith and throw away your shame! Jesus took the shame so that we could live in bold. Cast off shame! It's not how people sees you, it's how God does! =D ¶ 5:39 PM 0 Comments
Haha.. and today was just like many other normal days lar.. yar.. but i felt more loved.. especially by mdm teo =D.. haha.. not being sarcastic, i'm serious. She is really Caring after all. She gives me advice on how to like take care of my knee and yar.. Although beginning of the term, we din't like each other very much. Had misunderstood her. OMG. But things have definatly got better for me. =] I've reached my dead end and when i choose another path to go, all things seemed better for me! Hallelujah! Praise the lord!
After thinking over, actually you can love everyone if you put your heart to really like that person. Yar, so i think i shall really go open my heart and Love those i hate. Don't turn anger into hate, turn them into energy. Like subjects, if you keep telling yourself you like that subject, soon, you will do well in it. Yes, I Believe that God doesn't want me to hate. =D I shall love those who hate me too, and soon, we'll be a loving family. By then, I will feel a sense of accomplishment. People aren't that bad too. Although having bad points, they do have good points too. Maybe their bad points are more than their good ones, we mus still learn to appreciate their good points instead of ostracising them because of their bad. By all ways, They Do Serve A Purpose. And their purpose is the accomplish Good things. NOT to make people hate them. Who don't wanna be LOVED and be with a group of loving friends? Who wants to be ostracised and be left out each time others are enjoying? Who wants to be hate when they are so good to their friends? NO ONE.
People ostracise people because of many things. And in that way, the one being left out will have a sense of shame, because they are different from the others. They like to join the crowd and be accepted. But difference is to make you feel unique, not to give you shame. People wanna be the same as their friends and join in their click. Shame comes when you are different from others, by physical appearance, rejection etc. When shame comes, they take away your confidence. But why do people wanna feel shame? We Are Complete In Christ. But we choose to see our lack and feel shame. With shame, people cover their real self and over react, it will be difficult to be bold. You'll never take away shame unless you make it known, so take a step of faith and throw away your shame! Jesus took the shame so that we could live in bold. Cast off shame! It's not how people sees you, it's how God does! =D ¶ 5:39 PM 0 Comments
Monday, August 01, 2005
Excited!
wheE~ i am so excited! this sunday is city harvest church 16th anniversary! =D hah.. All of us are calling out, reaching to those lost sheeps.. we gonna call everyone down for this special event! wow! i can't imagine the crowd on that day.. Jo, leeying and I have already listed out the people we can call out to.. oh my, i can't wait for it!=D Now, so far.. a few have been confirmed, and i am sure, by sheer determination, a BIG group would be invited. *I BELIEVE.*
So now, all of us are busy calling people and inviting them down. Being rejected is not very less seen. But still, we will not give up hope until the last moment for we believe in Miricle.. well, so all of us are busy asking and i think that i should'nt waste my time updating my entry, so CYA!
PS: if anyone is interested to go to the 16th anniversary, please feel free to tell me ok? thanks! =D ¶ 7:15 PM 0 Comments
So now, all of us are busy calling people and inviting them down. Being rejected is not very less seen. But still, we will not give up hope until the last moment for we believe in Miricle.. well, so all of us are busy asking and i think that i should'nt waste my time updating my entry, so CYA!
PS: if anyone is interested to go to the 16th anniversary, please feel free to tell me ok? thanks! =D ¶ 7:15 PM 0 Comments
